The adventures of Yumiko and Rip Van
by Tina senpai
Summary: A Hellsing/Labyrinth crossover. It's a silly little piece really. I done it for my friends xmas present cause she's in love with david bowie ; Enjoy my friends! A story of a crazy nun, a nazi vampire and there obsesssion with the goblin king, Language R
1. Chapter 1

Jorinde: Hehe, I'm back! And this time, I have brought a friend!

#Brings in Ripki#

Jorinde: This story is dedicated to my lovely friend Ripki, without whom, I would never have thought of the new adventures of Yumiko and Ripki!

#Bows before Ripki#

Ripki: -shrieks in Delight- WAA! ^^ Okay, okay -clears Throat-

Well, I am happy to be the Guest on Today's featured Story. ^^ I would like to thank Herr Goblin King for being such a good Player when I've harassed him. This will be a fun Adventure!

#Links arm#

Jorinde: I agree! Now, it is time for fun, enjoy!

P.s. I do not own the Labyrinth or Hellsing…they are owned by richer and better-looking people! X

P.p.s. Also, sometimes Yumie will gain control of Yumiko and Vic versa so if you get confused it's because Yumie/Yumiko has re-surfaced and woken up.

The trial of the Labyrinth Chapter 1: Escaping into fantasy

"I cannot believe Zurin stole the mannequin I made you!" Yumie burst through the doors of her bedroom and was quickly followed by a very teary-eyed Rip Van Winkle who flops down on the bed immediately and snuggles face into pillow, weeping.

"WAAAAAAAHHHH! It's not fair! That was my favourite one as well and she had to steal it away!" Was all that could be made audible from the pillow, the rest were cries and muffled curses.

Yumie turned round to see her friend and sighed deeply. As she put on her glasses, she knew she'd let Yumiko have a word since she wasn't very good with the 'emotional' stuff, unless it was to do with Anger and killing. She sat down and rubbed her head.

"It's ok Ripki, I'm sure she'll let you have it back", Yumiko turned to her friend meekly and tried to sound positive. As Rip Van turned over, her face strewn with tears, she looked upset even more at Yumie's comment than happy.

"How could you say such a thing?!" She squealed almost painfully to Yumiko. "You know full well, that she'll practically destroy that lovely face of his and then fill him with nightmares, so that every time I'd go near him, I'd recoil in Horror! I can't believe she could be so…so…CRUEL!!!" At the final word, Rip van grimaced, flung herself forward and into the arms of Yumie, who still had a look of worry for her friend plastered on her face.

"Oh Ripki, if only there was something I could do…Wait, I know!" An as Yumiko pulled away from a very confused and curious Rip van, she headed towards her closet, letting her glasses slip a little, a small amount of mischief showing in her eyes. She reached inside the closet, but before she pulled out whatever she had a hold of, she spun round and looked Rip van in the eye with a smile.

"Now, I've not finished this yet, I was planning to give it to you when it was Christmas, but since this is kind of an emergency, I shall let you have him." As Yumiko Slowly pulled the large item out, Ripki's face showed surprise, shock and finally delight at what stood beside Yumiko. Yumiko seemed to have a talent for making mannequin's look almost human and there infront of Rip Van's eyes, was a beautiful 'remake' of Dok himself. It wore his clothes and even had that cheeky and devilish smile of his. As Rip Van stood up slowly, all sign of crying had stopped; she reached out and poked the statue in the chest, before slowly turning to Yumiko her manic smile even made Yumiko a little nervous. She opened her arms and gathered her friend in a bear like hug, which she happily responded with a squeal and a gasp for air.

"Oh thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! I promise I'll take good care of him, and I'll talk to him and clean him and…" Rip van felt a small pop and saw a Yumiko in her arms, struggling for breath.

"Oops, sorry, Hehe, " As she put her down on the bed, she spun back round and wrapped her arms round the mannequin, pressing her face into it's chest, and said, "Dok fix Rip," pulling back, she asked the mannequin with a small pout forming on her lips.

Yumiko stood up, regaining her breath and winking to herself before heading towards the bookshelf and pulling out her favourite book, the one Her good friend Heinkel had lent to her and opened it on the first page. She turned back and saw Rip van eyeing her up suspiciously and returned her glance with a small wink.

"I think I'd better leave you two alone…Hehe…I wish I could go and see the Goblin King right now!" And in no more than a second, Yumiko had vanished into a puff of glitter.

As Rip van stood perplexed, she realised she was alone in the room with the mannequin. She reached on her tiptoes and was just about to plant a kiss on its lips when suddenly, the door flew upon and a voice came in, interrupting her sweet moment.

"Rip Van, Zurin says she's sorry and that… WOW! IS THAT DOK?! CAN I SEE HIM?! PLEASE, PLEASE, PELEASE!" And Schrodinger immediately flung himself in her general direction, aiming for a hug from the Mannequin, but luckily Rip van kept a tight grip on it and twirled it just at the right moment, causing Schrodinger to trip forward and fall headfirst into the bedside table.

Rip Van looked slightly scared at the still body of Schrodinger, but soon he stood again before her and the mannequin, his hands placed on his hips with a sly smile on his face.

"Now, now Rip van, It's not nice to keep all to yourself. If you don't give him hear I shall have to go and interrupt Major and Integra's game of chess and get him here. And I don't think He will like that now, do you?" As Schrodinger took one side of the mannequin's body, he gave a hard yank, but Rip van just closed her eyes and gripped tighter.

"Nein, nein! He IST mine! Yumie made him for me! You'll just destroy him so he won't ever be usable for me again!" Rip van cried and tried desperately to pull out of the tug of war, but that only made Schrodinger more aggravated.

"Give him to me Rip Van! Or I'll tell Doc!" Schrodinger cried and dug his heels in the ground to try to gain advantage.

"But…but…YUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIEE!" Rip van let out a scream, and a poof of glitter later, Yumie surveyed the situation and immediately grabbed a rolled up newspaper.

"No, Bad Schrodinger! Shoo! Shoo!" She repeatedly hit the strange catboy on the head and 'shoo-ed' him out of the room, successfully getting him out of the door, but before she could celebrate, she saw him poke his head back in, one hand rubbing it, the other waving in the air to show he was angry.

"Just you wait! I'm getting Herr Major to tell you two off! HERR MAJOOOOOOR! YUMIE AND RIP VAN ARE BEING MEAN TO ME!" Schrodinger quickly left and screamed, running down the hallway like a maniac and a girl and as both Rip Van poked their heads round the corner, they both managed to grab him and stuff him into the closet, before looking at each other as if to say, 'What a strange child.'

"That should calm him down for a bit," Yumiko quickly rearranged her clothing and took a sigh of relief, but cut it short when she heard the sound of a clicking of footsteps and the cursing of a cat under someone's breath approaching her bedroom.

"Uh oh, It's the major!" Yumiko frantically shook on the spot and started to hyperventilate, before Rip Van gripped both her shoulders and slapping her across the face to calm her.

"Calm down woman! What do we do?!" Rip Van stared in Yumiko's shocked face and was met with determination.

"One, Ow. Two, don't shake me, you'll wake Yumie And three …RUN, SAVE YOURSELF AND THE DOC!" Yumiko's body snapped into a frantic search across room for an escape route but was met with a dead end each time.

All of a sudden, with her back turned to Rip Van she froze for three seconds and proclaimed to the air, "Of course!" She turned back round to a confused and surprised Rip Van, gripped one of her arms and wore a triumphant smile just as the doorknob turned.

"I wish the Goblins would come and take US away, right now!" And in a mass poof of glitter she had wished herself and Rip van to the gates at the beginning of the castle, which it seemed was totally deserted.

Yumiko closed her eyes, smiling and rubbed her habit, saying happily, "Huh, I didn't think that would actually work with both of us," And as she turned back to her friend, she clearly saw Rip van's both wide open and her eyes agape to all around.

"Wow, da underground!" Rip van finally proclaimed and swung her arms round her body, smelling in the smell of magic and what seemed to be moss. Yumiko smiled happily at her friends new found happiness, but then frowned as she looked round at the desolate place, which only seemed to have a small lake and some fairies floating around. "Well now what do we do?" she said sadly, but right on cue, the sound of music filled the air, an almost familiar song to both of them, and Yumiko turned to Rip Van, both with mischievous looks on their faces.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Yumiko quipped happily and held out her hand for Rip van to take. Rip Van, taking one hand in Yumiko's and using the other to point towards the destination, shouted, "To the Goblin city!"

"Ja, Ja! Wait…" Just as Yumiko put her foot in front of her she caught a glimpse of something behind them and turned to see figures, running to them in the distance. "My goodness, the one in the middle he's…big and…orange and… are rocks following him?!" Yumiko asked quizzically and cleaned her glasses for good measure to make sure she wasn't seeing things. Rip Van gave a very un-scary squeaking sound and abruptly hid behind the nun, peeking out from over the shoulder. Yumiko gave a gasp of realisation and quickly glanced at Rip van and smiled.

"It's ok, It's just Ludo with Didymus and Hogshead!" She squeaked happily and ran to meet them. As Rip Van followed, she quickly pointed up to the air and closed her eyes, before correcting her friend, "I think you mean Hogtied," and as she opened her eyes and looked down, she clearly saw Hoggle glaring up at her towards her general direction. Yumiko quickly stopped hugging Ludo and turned to Hoggle, "It's ok, we were only kidding Higgle, Hehe", as she finished off that remark, she in turn got a glare and hid behind Ludo for protection.

"My ladies, it is an honour and a privilege to impart our service upon you, if you will so allow us?" Sir Didymus took a long bow, kissing Rip van on her hand, who in turn blushed and curtsied.

"Mein Gott…So cute…I have to pet you," Rip van grinned happily and proceeded to give Didymus a soft pat on the head, which the brave knight happily received with a deep growl.

"Awww, he likes it," Yumiko said before turning to Ludo adding, "How about you Ludo? I bet a big beast like you likes nothing more than a good scratch behind the ear?" And with that she slowly began scratching just behind Ludo's ear, where he let out a happy growl also and bent down to allow her to reach better. Hoggle merely looked a little jealous before stomping his foot to get there attention. They both turned to him an immediately leapt on him, smothering him in loving kisses and big hugs, which made the Dwarf yelp, caught off by the sudden surprise of being leaped on by two woman. As they got off him, they turned around out of courtesy, straightening out they're dishevelled clothes, leaving the poor dwarf to collect himself. Yumiko quickly surveyed the situation whilst Rip continued to pet Sir Didymus.

"Ok, I have an idea," She yelled making Rip jump, "If I've got it right then Ludo shouldn't mind giving us a helping hand," Yumiko giggled to herself and got another confused look from Rip who hadn't yet made the link between the quote and joke. She sighed and shook her head, before turning her attention back to Ludo and whispered something in the fur here she thought his ears where. In one second he had processed the thought and gave her a nod and bent down. At first Rip thought he was going to eat Yumiko, but then saw him gently lift and hoist her onto his back. He walked over to Rip and kneeled again.

"Come on, your turn," Yumiko chimed and held out her hand for the young girl who still stood with her mouth opened in slight amazement.

"Ja," She nodded in agreement, grabbing hold of everything, which she had newly strapped into one place on her back and grabbing hold on Yumiko's hand, bounced on top of the gentle beast's back.

"Ok, everyone ready?" The nun glanced around to the two companions on the ground, one of who seemed always happiest riding his noble and brave steed.

"Then of we go to the castle at the centre o the labyrinth. MUSH!" She declared and raised a finger pointing towards the destination she saw, only to have the response of a grunt from Ludo, which she knew was his way of saying, 'Huh?'

"That means you can start Ludo," She bent a little so only he heard and off the unlikely gang started; a Fox riding a dog, a grumpy dog, a Beast with two girls on his back, a berserker nun and a Nazi-vampire.

Yumiko glanced over her shoulder and at Rip who was whistling a cheery little melody aloud.

"So what do you want to do whilst we travel?" She asked lazily, laying her chin on her balled up hand. Rip looked very thoughtful or about 3 minutes before she glanced down at Hoggle, who was cursing that he had stubbed his toe. She let her trademark grin spread across her face and let her long fingers curve around the back of her musket, before pointing it at the little, now frightened man.

"Dance Meine Freunden, dance!" She yelled into the wind, ricocheting the bullets off the walls for Hoggle to jump and miss.

Yumiko sat dumbfounded for a second, before turning back to the front and saying, "The Goblin king's going to love you."

She heard an 'Oh mein Gott!' and could just see Rip applying a fresh coat of make-up and putting curlers in her hair, whilst the bullets still flew about and were dodged by a very grumpy Hoggle.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: What do you call your weapon?

"You know…maybe we shouldn't use poor Hoggle as a means for entertainment," Yumiko said calmly so as not to upset Rip Van.

"Oh…but Pokie wants fun to!" Rip quipped before letting out another bullet in the war's general direction.

"Who the heck is Pokie?" Yumiko asked quizzically, worried that one of Rip's demented and horny comrades had followed them in. Rip merely held up her musket, and stroking it lovingly explained, "That is what I call my gun, Pokie," And she quickly turned around an retrieved her clock before adding, "Und this is Gerald!"

Yumiko stared; slightly confused but amused and humoured at her friends' innocence, even I she was a half-crazed nazi vampire. She gazed back around and noticed something afoul.

"Urm Rip…do you know where we are?" She asked with one eyebrow cocked.

Rip looked about before sighing unhappily and stopped firing at Hoggle to shoot one bullet off in front of them, seeing it disappear into one of the walls a couple of feet away.

"Zere we go, an opening! Although I will say a weird way to build walls," She scratched the tip of her head before pointing the musket its full length to the wall or Ludo, "Zat way nice beastie!"

Ludo trudged along, followed by Hoggle, who hid out of sight from Rip encase she began shooting at him again. Yumiko shifted in her seat to look around the walls and noted, "I wonder where Mr. Worm is? Probably inside with the Missus if you catch my drift." She playfully winked and nudged Rip who began to giggle like a hysterical schoolgirl; only to stop to point out Ludo had a confused look on his face. She lent forward and petted the top of his head, saying happily, "Don't worry, you'll understand when you're older."

Yumiko snapped her head back and let Yumie slip for a moment, declaring, "Or not! I am not telling him!"

Before righting herself and using her normal, softer voice, to show that Yumie was asleep. "Anyway, I've been thinking, since I can only use a number of wishes and I can't wish us to the castle just yet," She turned aside and added,_ that would be no fun, _before turning back, "I think I know what our next destination can be and skip past the boring parts.

Rip looked at her nervously, the halo above the nun's head was something she knew not to be fooled by.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Realising the wishes to the false alarms

"I wish we were in the tunnel of false alarms!" Yumiko shut her eyes tightly and raised her finger in the air as she spoke her wish. Rip just got an even more worried look on her face as they vanished into another poof of glitter and clutched even tighter around the waist of the nun. She felt a sudden wave of nausea hit her as they formed again in their desired location but still didn't opened her eyes, instead choosing to jump at the sound of a bellowing voice next to her.

"BEWARE, BEWARE!" The deep voice moaned and soon, a chorus of other similar warnings started also, followed by a small girly giggle, which Rip could fathom as Yumiko's.

"Pay no attention to those also alarms they're…well, false alarms," She smiled gaily back at the vampire who responded by finally relaxing and letting a large smile spread across her face. As they slowly slid off Ludo's back to give him a rest, Yumiko looked around, almost a bit worried. "Hmm, that's strange, not all of them are…wait a minute," and as she stomped over to one she squinted her eyes and her a very familiar and distinct sound, "Snoring! They're bloody asleep on the job!" She put her hands on her hips and was just about to wake them and give them a peace of her mind, when movement across the floor caught her eye.

"Huh, Look Rip, It's a crystal!" She pointed in the direction of the small orb rolling steadily towards them, until it rolled past and began to chart its own path.

"Should we follow it?" Yumiko asked nervously, fiddling with the sleeves of her dress. Rip meanwhile sniffed the air and let out a gasp. "It is he! He…he…he IST here! I can smell Herr Goblin king!" And as Rip began to skip merrily after it, Yumie was fighting for control to wake up, but Yumiko kept hold of her by hitting herself on the head and then quickly scampered after Rip, who was still skipping after the crystal.

"Now remember, no scaring him with Pokie!" She pointed a chubby, little finger at her friend, whilst also tucking her sword further down her back to hide it.

"Ja, ja, I know the drill!" Rip Van barely hummed over her shoulder. Just as they rounded a corner, Yumiko was so busy trying to think of what to say when she met the king that she bumped straight into Rip vans back, who had come to a halt. The berserker nun glimpsed over her shoulder and clearly saw Rip van staring at what appeared to be a beggar, crouched on a low step with the crystal now in his begging pot.

"Ah, what have we here?" A scratchy, old voice said and the nose on the small creature turned a little in their general direction. Yumiko appeared behind Rip van and clung to her arm. "Urm…not…noth…nothing." She squeaked, barely audible. A distinctive air arose in the tunnel and both girls felt the shift of magic as the beggar began revealing himself.

"Nothing? Nothing?! Nothing, tra la la!" The creature stood to his full height and shook of his disguise to reveal himself as the true goblin king. He stood wearing the beautiful tight red jacket, leather boots and _those _Grey trousers, which Yumiko mentally scolded herself for gaping at. Rip Van however had gone from a completely and utterly dumbfounded look to her infamous grin. She marched up to the king, got on one knee and said in a proud and happy tone, "Meine King! I am Rip Van Winkle. It is an honour and pleasure to meet you!I am Miss Rip Van Winkle, und this is my -depraved- Nun, Yumiko. Yumiko, get over here!" She turned to see her friend still staring at her feet, blushing wildly. At first she didn't move, but she shifted a little bit and walked over to position herself two feet infront of the king. She bowed profusely, whilst saying, "It's a pleasure to see you! I mean, to touch you! I mean to speak about you! I mean, oh I'm sorry, I'm such a fan, and you're lovely, and I meant to know about-TO TALK TO YOU AND MEET YOU!" She yelled at the last phrase as her nose began to bleed a little and she fainted falling backwards, luckily to be caught by Rip Van who flashed a smile at the king whilst fanning the poor nun. "This is her first time and as you can tell, she's happy to meet you at last. God you smell lovely…anyway! She's a friend with the young priest Heinkel,The fallen Angel who beats on the Archangels? I believe you know her sister?" She said matter of factly, not noticing the goblin king's quizzical look at the two females before him.

"Yes, I believe I do," He tried to sound royal and not to distressed, whilst adjusting his wild and untamed hair, "I believe Heinkel was fed up of her sister and wished her away. Although when I came to collect her she pointed a gun at my head and we agreed to let it drop." He said dryly, not best pleased at the memory of such an encounter.

Suddenly, Yumiko's body shook and she sat straight up, blood still pouring forth from her nose.

"What!? I didn't know Heinkel had actually met him! She told me she just read about him and her sister was good friends with him!" Yumiko squealed helplessly, trying her hardest not to cry. When Rip Van whispered that they still had company, she began to arrange her hair, asking if it was ok, to which Rip replied just as frantically I she smelled of breakfast blood. Soon they both turned towards him and gazed at him, with his view of two lionesses seeing meat.

"I…Love magic dance, you should record an album," Rip Van remarked suddenly and sounding like a ditzy blonde girl.

"I…I…I…I LOVE YOU!" Yumie Proclaimed and threw herself onto him, acting like a cat as the king looked shocked an almost hissed, "What is thiissss thing?"

"Heinkel's pet." Then when Yumie threw her the death glare, Rip changed her playful tone and went serious. "Nun! I mean nun!"

Just then Hoggle thought it best he intervene and piped up, "Girlfriend."

Yumie disentangled herself and threw her body on Hoggle, grabbing his shirt and practically screaming in his large sensitive ears. "LIES! LIIIIIEEEES! I do not love her that way!" She quickly turned and threw a smile at Jareth who still stood there dumbstruck, "He's only joking your highness! We're just friends and work colleagues!" She quickly dropped her pleasant exterior as she began to violently shake Hoggle, telling him exactly what she was going to do with him, whilst Rip van desperately tried to calm her down.

The goblin king watched as the frantic girl had seemed to change in character, almost becoming another person, as the Manic looking girl called Rip Van as calling her Yumie and telling her to calm down. He thought, since they were distracted, they wouldn't notice him leave and he quickly made himself disappear into a poof of glitter, which both girls caught a glimpse of.

"Oh, my…God! He's sooooooooooooo much hotter in real life!" Yumie squeaked running about the place, whilst Rip Van squeaked happily.

"I know! Und, he smells soooo much better than imagined! He smelled like…like…Moonlight and stardust and…magic!" She threw a girlish look at Yumie who nodded in agreement.

Little id they know, the goblin king was know watching them in his crystal ball, shaking his head and thinking 'how frightening.'

"Ja …Wait…do you hear something?" Yumie stopped and looked scared as she heard the sound of what sounded like whirling machinery and a broken washing machine on the rampage. Rip van let out a squeak and quickly climbed onto Ludo, lugging Yumie after.

"I WISH WE WERE ABOVE!" Yumie yelled frantically, grabbing a chunk of Ludo as they again disappeared and reappeared into the beautiful garden maze.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: The bird thing and the knockers

"You go talk to it, I'm in the mood to ring something's neck." Yumie said, her voice rough and she was paying more attention to the three other travellers rather than the wise man and his annoying hat. Rip Van smiled and gave her a telepathic _you got it_, before abruptly turning and pointing the barrel of her gun at the birds face. "Ahem... well... excuse me Herr Birdman, we are visiting Monarchs from the eh.... Millennium und Iscariot Kingdoms. We would be most grateful if you could point us to the Direction of the Goblin City. And I won't blow your heads off…both of them." She smiled down at the old man who was pretending to be asleep as she saw his eye open then quickly close. The bird looked a little scared before gulping and turning its beak in the direction of Yumie.

"You're friend is going the right way senorita." He proclaimed knowledgably, wanting the scary lady with the gun to go away.

"Ah! Danke Bitte!" She turned and waved over her back before skipping merrily to where Yumie was arguing with herself…again. As she turned around, she placed on her glasses and showed it was Yumiko now in control. As Rip Van came closer, she lost her smirk and looked about, before staring at Yumiko in horror.

"Where are Didymus and Ambrosias?" She said in a worried tone, causing Yumiko to immediately go into nervous meltdown.

"Oh no ...WE LOST DIDYMUS!" She began looking around frantically, but to no avail, so began to cry, "This is all my fault, I should have paid more attention!" And she fell onto her knees; wailing and wishing the ground would swallow her up. Rip van trudged towards Hoggle and began shouting obscenities at him for losing Didymus, before joining Yumiko on the ground and hugging her close.

"Vas are we going to do? Didymus knew all the good ways! And if only he was here, I wish he was-" But before she could finish her sentence she was cut off by Yumiko giving her a quick, hard kiss to her lips. She froze in fear, not knowing what to do, until Yumiko pulled back and smiled.

"Rippie, you're a genius!" To which Rip's shocked face turned a little confused as Yumiko Jumped up and took a deep breath.

"I wish Sir Didymus and Ambrosias were here right now!" and no sooner had she finished than the little foxed knight appeared in Rip's arms. She smothered the little gentleman in lots of kisses, proclaiming how she missed him or five minutes before she gave into his protests of not being able to breath properly. She placed him on the floor and stretched happily.

"Well now we can continue-WAIT! Where's Ambrosias?" She suddenly remembered the scared little pup and was about to go search when she heard a stifled squeak escape from yumiko's throat. She turned to her companion to see her frozen in place and standing very strangely. She looked into the girl's eyes and saw her shivering in fear.

"The…There's something under my skirt," Yumiko spoke low and softy, almost afraid to startle whatever it was. She slowly raised her skirt and both girls breathed a sigh of relief when they saw Ambrosias curled up between Yumiko's legs. As the girls giggled, Ambrosias came out with Didymus' call and was more than happy when Rip petted him also.

"You know Ambrosias for a noble steed, you're really a scaredy cat," Yumiko giggled at her ironic statement, giggling even more at the sad puppy dog eyes Ambrosias gave her. They rested for five minutes before heading off, soon arriving at two doors, with two knockers that both had their eyes shut. Yumiko leaned towards a knocker with a ring in its ears and giggled again.

"Oh dear Rippie, it seems, everyone is asleep!" She remarked before turning back to the door curiously and stepping a little closer. She threw a glance at Rip who was eyeing her questionably and she giggled at the tall, slim girl.

"I've always wondered what was behind door number 1!" She smiled and knocked carefully, making sure not to wake the knocker on the door and as the door was an inch open, she peaked inside and let out a squeal, before slamming the door shut and turning round, looking rather pale and frightened.

"You…for the love of God don't look!" Yumiko propped her body against the opposite door, wanting to distance herself farthest from where she had never seen such an atrocious sight and sound.

"Vas? Is it bad?" Rip Van wondered over to the door and before Yumiko could stop her; she opened the door and peaked in.

"AHHHHH! AIR SIRENS!" She yelled before shutting the door, running over to Ludo and climbing up him, hugging him tightly for comfort.

"I told you not to look!" Yumiko shut her eyes and flared her arms. "Oh well, looks like door number one's a no go." She stated, calming herself and knocking in the same manner on door number 2. As they walked through the entrance of the door, they hadn't gone a few feet, before the door slammed shut behind them. Hoggle cursed under his breath and ran off in the opposite direction, with Rip Van yelling at him for cowardice. As they approached deeper and deeper into the woods, they heard sounds like twigs being snapped, then drums being banged and Yumiko clung tightly to one arm of Ludo, who gently let Rip slide from his back to huddle in between the two. They all screamed and nearly ran off when a mysterious and crazy looking fluff ball jumped down from a seemingly unknown place. Eight others quickly joined him and they formed a circle, singing and shaking their hips provocatively, following the rhythm of the snapping twigs and drums.

"Oh no! Fieries!" Yumiko yelled and positioned herself ready for attack, not expecting the fiery to come and pounce on her back, messing her hair. She ran around screaming for someone to do something, whilst two others jumped on Rip and tried to wrestle her away from Ludo, who seemed content in grunting and growling like a frightened dog during a house fire. Just as Rip felt a small pop at her neck from having her head pulled on, she saw a flash of one of the red creatures fly across her vision and plummet into a nearby tree before hearing an all to familiar voice yelling, "KNOCK IT OFF!" Every creature froze and turned to the figure of a nun picking herself up from the floor, with a bloodthirsty look in her eye.

Yet again, Yumiko pulled off her habit and glasses and aimed her katana at thin air.

"Which one of you headless idiots wants to fight with me, huh?" She growled and smiled maniacally, watching as the orange balls of fluff began spreading out and hiding. She walked over to Rip van, inspected her before tutting loudly and raising her hand out infront of her.

"Alright, give it back!" Yumie's voice boomed upward and held out her hand as a small shiny object fell from a rustling tree into her hand.

"Oh my Swastika necklace! Thanks tree!" Rip Van smiled and placed her favourite and only jewellery around her neck. Rip Van didn't even need to thank Yumie, who was already halfway across the forest, now at a cliff like mountain, inspecting anyway to get in. As She led over Ludo and Didymus riding Ambrosias she saw Yumie finally find a well-hidden door amongst the rocky surface.

"Hmm, strange, there's a door here…I wonder why Hoggle didn't mention anything about it?" She asked in a suspicious tone of voice before pushing open the door and wishing she hadn't.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Across the bog

As the smell of the bog hit the two girls, Yumie was immediately knocked out cold, only to regain consciousness as Yumiko, who thought better and quickly placed her handkerchief over her nose and mouth leading the way. She was about to keep moving when Rip Van clasped at her shoulder desperately, her colouring even paler than she normally was.

"Yumiko, my vampire senses are-" And Rip Van's words were cut short by her sudden coughing and choking as she fell to the floor, convulsing at the horrible atmosphere around her, as Ludo yelled, "Smell bad!"

Yumiko looked a little confused before getting an idea. " I wish Rip Van had something to stop the smell!" And in a twinkle, Rip Van got up, wearing a fashionable surgeon's mask, which reminded her of when Dok had finished his experiments and came to join the Iscariots, Hellsings and millenniums for their meals.

"Mmm, Lillie's," Her eyes smiled happily and the sides of her cheek wrinkled, letting Yumiko know that she had that wolf like smile on. Although it quickly faded when she still heard Ludo's cries of discomfort. "Awww, It's ok Ludo, I wish I had something for you to." And to the surprise of everyone, a small twinkle later, Ludo had a bigger version of her mask on and looked all the more happier.

"Hmm, I didn't know you could wish to," Yumiko stated, not wanting to sound jealous that the Goblin king had blessed her also.

"Oh, neither did I," Rip Van looked at Yumiko's arched eyebrow and skipped about, wanting to distract her away from the subject. Luckily her stomach grumbled proving a good distraction and turned to Yumiko, who was also clutching her stomach, feeling her sympathy. The nun glanced about and jumped up and down happily.

"Oh look, a peach tree! And see, one last peach let's share it!" Yumiko ran over and plucked the dangling fruit from tree and quickly gulped part of it down before handing it to Ripki, who ate it the same way. They could hear Ludo grunt unhappily in the background and Ambrosias whine, whilst Didymus was inside his house getting provisions. Rip Van had just taken a last bite, before yawning wildly and looking at Yumiko who seemed to be doing the same thing.

"You know, this feels like Déjà vu," the berserker nun remarked, her eyes drooping a little, before releasing a yawn.

"Ja, ja, I need…need…a rest." Rip Van said, slumping to the ground, followed by the nun, the two using each other as a pillow. As they began drifting off into their dreams, they could have both sworn they saw bubbles floating towards them before devouring them and carrying them away into seemingly nothingness.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: A peachy dream

When they came to, they were still slumped against each other, but this time, in chairs at a table, and definitely no longer in the forest. As they gazed around, Yumiko let out a small squeak and Rip Van turned to see her staring at her new attire; both girls where wearing puffed out dresses with extremely tight bodices.

"Omg, Rip, you look …revealing." Yumiko explained, her eyes bulging at the sight of her friends' new attire. Rip Van merely blushed before stating, "You can talk, look at yours miss nun!" And as Yumiko looked down, she gave a small squeal at the poofy and low-cut dress on her. "Eeek, My boobs are showing! Don't tell Father Anderson!" She whined a little, covering the two large objects on her chest with her hands. The only difference between the dresses was Yumiko's was a dark blue, whilst Rip Van's was a peachy pink. As they were about to question their sanity, they both heard a voice through the crowds of dancers and their attentions were drawn to a tall figure, where the melodious and hypnotising voice was coming from. There jaws practically dropped in sequence as they both gazed at Herr goblin king, in his fine attire, of black breeches, a beautiful jewel encrusted jacket and a fine goblin mask held in his hand as he bared his fangs in a smile at the two female figures below him. As they stared at him, he moved ever so slightly just as a woman with a large fan blocked their view of him. When she had moved, he was gone from that spot, leading both girls to shriek and glance around the room for him.

"Ok, you go over there and I can over here!" Rip Van stated, determined to find the king, whilst Yumiko nodded and skipped off in the direction she had motioned. They occasionally caught glimpses off the Fae, but he eluded them each time, seeming to be everywhere and nowhere.

_Handsome king is pulling a Schrodinger! _Rip Van thought and began practically pushing people out of her way, whilst Yumiko merely bumped into people. The nun in the poofy dress was so busy trying not to hurt herself, that when a couple bumped into her, she lost her footing and shut her eyes tight preparing to fall. She felt a pair of arms capture her midway and breath so close on her neck that she gasped. When she opened her eyes, she was lost in a pair of mismatched eyes, which smiled at her and almost drowned her with seductiveness. He righted her body so she was now pressed against him, allowing her to steady herself using him for balance. The bodice had been making it slightly difficult to get a good deep breath in and now Yumiko could barely gasp at the feel of his body against hers. When she had got her balance back, he slowly pulled her into a waltz, holding her back with his arm, inadvertently pulling her even closer. She laid her head against his chest and breathed in his scent, which he noticed and smiled arrogantly to himself.

_One of these I can handle, on their own they're just ordinary girls, but together… best not think about it and try to woo this one before the next girl. _He gathered his thoughts and danced with the now dazed girl, who was practically falling asleep against him. He led her to a small couch and allowed her to lie down against him. As he stroked her hair for a few minutes he detached himself from the sleeping girl and placed a small blanket against her, before venturing out again to the dance floor in search of Rip Van; luckily he didn't have to look far. She was already feeling tired from running around, trying to chase after the glimpses of blue, jewelled coats that led to even more dancers, but no king. She began to feel dizzy and light-headed and close her eyes as darkness swarmed her vision, but before she lost feeling in her body, she felt a pair of arms wrap firmly around her waist. She felt a sudden burst of energy and opened her blue eyes into the gaze of royal mismatched ones. She immediately pressed herself against him and gave him a perky smile, followed by a slight blush in her cheeks, making him smile.

_Now this one is a more volatile. _He smiled, before waltzing with her, a little quicker than with Yumiko as Rip knew all the moves. It was a good 10 minutes before she to felt sleepy and soon he led her to over to the same couch and slept, this time with both girls' heads rested against his shoulders. He contemplated maybe waking them for another waltz, but then thought better as both girls awake and regenerated would lead to more trouble, so instead poofed off in a shower of glittery gold, allowing the dream to slowly fade and the girls drifted back down to earth, still asleep and now in a place full of old rubbish and junk.

Yumiko was the first to awaken and grabbed her friend, dragging the still sleeping vampire to a small pile of rubbish with a door, hoping to get help inside; shocked when she opened the door, revealing Rip's room at the mansion.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: The junkyard

When Ripki came to, she noticed she was no longer pressed into the chest of the king, but against a pillow, which held a familiar scent, one that reminded her of home. As her vision cleared she reached over to her bedside table and placed on her glasses when it hit her. _My bedside table! I'm in the labyrinth! Unless… _She looked around for signs it may have been a dream and caught sight of Yumiko curled up in the seat by the bed. Rip Van swung her legs over and began to gently shake the sleeping nun, who roused and rubbed her eyes like a small child.

"Oh, hello Rip Van. Do you know I just had the most wonderful dream? We went to the labyrinth and met the goblin king and made friends…" Yumiko trailed off as Rip Van showed her something that made them both realise they weren't dreaming. In the corner of the room, was a small junk lady, munching on some form of food, not paying attention to the two girls, but instead glancing at the collection of books she had in her possession.

"Look, she's eating a cookie!" And Yumiko stomped over, snatched one of the cookies from the junk lady and bit into it, before spitting it out. "It's disgusting! Taste's like old Rubbish!" As the habit slipped of she dropped her stance into battle mode. Yumie looked around the room and was very cat-like in the way she moved. "Something's not right here." She stated before slicing the poor old lady into. She disappeared into a poof of glitter and at that moment the room itself began to shake and mould over. They barely managed to get out of the door before the entire place collapsed and they saw they were still inside the labyrinth.

Yumiko quickly turned to Rip Van and asked, "Quick, what's the time? How long were we out?!" She stated almost frantically, allowing Yumiko to wake up and take control. Rip Van picked up her clock and showed the face to the worried nun; 15 minutes to get to the castle or they wouldn't be able to see the king. They both darted out of the junkyard and headed towards the walls, where the castle gates and a large robot-which seemed to have its axe stuck in the wall-came into view, before Yumiko glanced about and sighed in frustration.

"I wish the gang was here!" She yelled as she rushed towards the gates and arrived just as a poof of glitter shot Ludo running in her direction and scooping her up in his arms.

"LUDO!" She exclaimed happily and clinged to the large, furry beast, who nuzzled into her like a teddy bear. She looked over to see Rip again cuddling Didymus, who this time was smart enough to hug her back and squeeze her equally hard so they both had to let go for air. _I didn't think vampires needed air._ Yumiko thought and was just about to question her friend when a more important subject matter arose; Ambrosias was yet again missing. Rip Van walked about and Yumiko was now on her feet and about to wonder off when she felt a disturbance near her; or better yet, under her.

"Eeek-Wait…" Yumiko said with a small squeak then confused face, before lifting up her skirts to reveal Ambrosias, snuggled against her legs again.

"You know Ambrosias, maybe Dok should take a look at you. Or better yet, get some training sessions with Captain." Yumiko stated as she let the dog wonder out from between her legs again, back to his awaiting owner. As she glanced at the gates where a large robot stood and thought to herself. _If only we could have a battle strategy. We need someone who's been here before but can easily scare away the goblins, unlike Ludo and Didymus, don't want to get them into trouble. _As if reading her thoughts, Rip Van cleared her throat to get Yumiko's attention and when she turned, she smirked at the light bulb almost visible above the vampire's head.

"We could call on…you know _who." _Ripki said, touching her finger to the tip of her nose twice in code that Yumiko immediately smiled and proclaimed, 'of course!'

"I wish Heinkel was here!" Yumiko started, but this time, nothing seemed to happen. Both girls looked around before staring at the gates before them.

"It didn't work!" Rip Van moaned, but was cut short by a voice behind her.

"OM NOM NOM NOM NOM!" yelled Heinkel, enough to make Ripki squeak and bolt to hide behind Yumiko, whom was still trying not to run away screaming. As they both regained their composure they turned towards the female priest, clad in her usual garb, lighting a cigarette casually. She blew out some smoke and looked at them through her dark glasses.

"Never thought I'd be here again." She stated casually, noting Yumiko's shocked face at her remark, but before the nun could ask what she meant, Rip Van leapt forward and threw her arms around the priest happily. She pulled back and began skipping merrily around her.

"You're here! You came! That means you can help us the rest of the way there!" She chimed happily. She stopped for a second and pulled Yumiko in to skip, whilst she grabbed Didymus and began swinging him around like a small child.

As Yumiko skipped almost merrily around her friend and Rip Van joined in Heinkel arched her eyebrow and gave a long, thoughtful puff on her cigarette. "Screw this, I'm going home." She stated, before turning to walk away from the city, only to be stopped by Yumiko clinging like a koala to her leg, whilst Rip Van got on her knees and gave her the 'puppy dog eyes' routine.

"Ah Frick," She mumble and dropped her head, "Ok! You win, I'm coming." They began to walk off, when a familiar voice stopped them in their tracks.

"Perhaps ladies I could…urm…join you?" The small voice behind them said and they turned to see Hogshead staring down at his feet.

"Hoggle!" Rip Van exclaimed happily at the little man who had appeared behind them, fiddling with his hat nervously. Rip Van dived at him and clutched at the small man, squealing in his ear for him not to disappear like that. She straightened herself up and instead of sticking to formalities, grabbed his hand and began to stride forward, with Boris ready in her other hands.

"Ahhhhh, Anticipation, anticipation, anticipation. We're ready for war! Vat a tragedy. Vat a comedy." She chimed happily to herself as Yumiko and Heinkel prepared themselves to. They let Ludo push open the doors and they were immediately greeted with drunken banter and the sounds of guns and war.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: The battle in the goblin city

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I have a chicken on my head! Get it offfffffff!" Yumiko cried whilst running around in circles and flapping her arms up and down frantically. Rip Van was busy shoving some fruit into a goblins face, whilst Ludo was surrounded by rock friends, all of whom where bowling towards goblins. Didymus was gallantly fighting off some of the army's defences, whilst trying to get Ambrosias out from under a turned over basket.

Suddenly gunfire was heard and everyone turned to see a very calm but fired up Heinkel standing there, pistols in the air so not to actually shot anyone; except a chicken or two.

"ALRIGHT, EVERY FUCKER STOP!" Heinkel yelled after firing her pistols. Some Goblins didn't stop at first, but soon small shrill voices arose from the crowd.

"_It's her! That girl!" _

"_She's alive! I thought she's been thrown into the bog?"_

"_Don't get in her way, she'll kick you up the ass as soon as look at you!"_

And soon the sea of goblins parted and let the six misfits walk through easily, Heinkel walking confidently at the front, waving and winking over her glasses at the pub owners, who waved and smiled nervously. Yumiko was arguing with herself and Yumie again for control and managed to subdue her alter ego with a swift punch to the face, whilst Rip was straightening out her tie and polishing Pokie. The three creatures at the back merely bowed, huffed and grunted in sequence towards the army, as if they had all been through this before. They walked through the hallways and twisty and turny corridors, stopping now an again because Heinkel had forgotten the way and asked random goblins the way to the throne room. Some cowered at the sight of her whilst others pointed the way and shared a private joke before scuttling off, leaving Heinkel to giggle at the memory of something, making Yumiko almost blush in jealousy. As they reached a corner, Heinkel turned around and faced the three companions that had followed them.

"Ok you guys, this is where it's safe. You can all go back now." She casually played with the cigarette between her lips and watched the mixture of shock, confusion and slight anger at being so casually dismissed. Yumiko stepped forward, whispering something into Heinkel's ear and stooped low to look at the shortest and most gentleman of the bunch.

"Didymus," she stated softly, "I have an important job for you." She noticed the knight's ears prick up as a smile tugged at the corner of his fox lips.

"Why, of course. Anything my ladies desire." The fox knight bowed to her.

"Well then," Rip Van interrupted, and stroked Ludo's fur gently, "We would like it if you go outside and have yourselves a celebratory drink. We have some unfinished business to attend to with Herr Goblin king." She winked at Yumiko with the implications of her words and the nun giggled like a schoolgirl and blushed as she heard Hoggle clear his throat.

"Well, that's all well and good, but what's ya going to do? There ain't no baby so Whatcha gonna do?" He enquired at the two girls, who seemed to blush even more and couldn't fathom a sentence, so Heinkel thought it best to argue for the both of them.

"We wish you would just piss off!" She stated coolly and straight away, they vanished into a poof of glitter. Rip Van and Yumiko shoot her daggers, but she merely shrugged it off and lit another cigarette.

"I had to get rid of them somehow. Don't want them bothering you when we get to ze king now do ve?" She glanced behind to see them both now standing up and straightening out each other's garments, even applying a bit of make-up. She turned forward and mumbled 'idiots', before walking the rest of the way down the hall, followed by the hyper fan girls.

As they came into view of a large room, Yumiko gasped first and drew the attention of the two girls.

"Look there he is on the throne!" Yumiko pointed excitedly towards the occupied chair, where the king was holding a crystal between his fingers and gazing into it mysteriously.

Rip Van looked at him squeaked happily and then whispered into her friends' ears, "Well, I'm thankful, this means we don't have to go turning this castle upside down looking for him!" She smirked and saw Yumiko stifle a giggle and Heinkel chuckle lightly, puffing happily on her cigarette.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:Thirteen hours to escape us

"Stay away from me you two! I never challenged you to finish my labyrinth so there's no need to be here." The goblin king merely licked his wrist to indicate the way to the door. Rip Van stood in disbelief; her jaw agape and poor Yumiko began welling up. Heinkel merely stood there and took a long drag on her cigarette. As she breathed out the smoke in the Goblin king's general direction, he turned his direction to her, letting a seductive smile spread across his features.

"Good to see you again Heinkel," His voice dripping with lust.

Heinkel peered over her sunglasses and let out a snort, before giving a half-hearted, "Ditto."

The king took three steps towards her and gazed own slightly at the un-change figure before him. "Now you're different. I can send these two away, but you my dear can stay. And this time, you can stay the WHOLE night…" He had leant in towards her face and watched as a small smile spread over her face, before turning her face towards him, allowing her sunglasses to slide back up her nose to hide her eyes. She took one more long drag on her cigarette, before blowing the puff out on his face.

"I think you'll change your mind once I tell you a couple of things about these two good friends of mine." She replied coolly, not caring she could be thrown into the bog of eternal stench.

The King merely slyly smiled and leant in closer, "What could you possibly tell me of interest Meine Liebling?" His voice still dripping with lust, hoping to coax her into his bedroom again. She glanced over her glasses at the two figures, both looking on curiously, before turning back and whispering something into his ear. What she said the two could not make out, but they both watched the Goblin kings face turn from amusement, to shock and then pure excitement. He quickly turned to the figures, both looking at him in awe as if his rejection had never happened.

"My ladies, I apologise whole-heartedly for any inconvenience I may have caused you. I hope you will accept my apology by being my guests for the weekend, joining me for dining, afternoon dance lessons and of course, private studies." The last two words he added a touch of sugar or two, throwing a practically wicked grin at the already melted puddle of fan girl on his throne room floor.

They immediately straightened themselves out and bowed at him, low and dignified.

"It would be an utmost honour and pleasure, mein fuhrer." Rip Van giggled and blushed at the king, who threw back an equally devilish smirk.

"I would like that very much…your majesty." Yumiko stuttered and blushed at the king, who gave her a playful wink, making her go an even darker shade of crimson. As he held out his two arms, they were quickly taking and soon, the three were walking out the room, leaving Heinkel alone with a goblin that seemed to want to know what was happening.

"Oh zem? Don't worry, they're just going to do some magic dancing, eat some peaches and be shown a new game called, 'find the scarf in Herr goblin king's quarters'." She smiled smugly and knowingly as the poor goblin looked at her like she was talking another language.

Jorinde: Whatcha' think?

Ripki: I like it!

Jorinde: Really?! YAY!

~Hugs~

Although word of warning. Don't listen to the new band called the sirens. If you do, you'll end up a brain dead, druggie, groupie, Goth!

Ripki: #Gasp# I Resent that Jorinde! …I'd never be a Goth :p

~Snickers together~

Oh, and I'm curious, what DID he whisper to Hild…I mean Heinkel?

Jorinde: You know I don't know and don't think I want to know :p

Ripki: …0.0 you don't think it was about me being able to do the splits was it?

Jorinde: I didn't know you could do the splits!

Ripki: Oh Ja, that's what you get when Wes keeps yelling at you, and you have a good doctor like Faust.

Jorinde: I want to ask, but I fear we won't have enough time, so I shall instead say three words to you!

Ripki: …shoot.

Jorinde: Merry Christmas Ripki!

THE END


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